The secret to seeming* fearless
*because being fearless is just asking too much
Hi, again, writer dear.
Have you encountered any writing-related fears since I wrote you last? I’m currently having a bit of a what-if-people-have-gotten-sick-of-my-writing scare. I’d love to hear what’s going on with you!
I’m excited to send you our first digital care package today. These are emotional and practical resources related to our most recent emotional support letter. Just to remind you, these are our three options we have when we face fear:
We can oblige our fear.
We can conquer our fear.
And we can sit with our fear, really listen to what it’s saying, and why. We can take the time to examine how reasonable or overprotective it feels. We can make a plan that feels right to us about how to interact with fear.
Despite what our conquer-your-fear culture says, all of these options are legitimate. Just because conquering our fear is a common message and inspiring and can be good advice, doesn’t mean it’s the best or only choice when we’re fear-facing. I don’t think it’s always in our best interest to push beyond our fear before we’re ready. Sure, there’s something to be said for waiting too long. There’s also preparing or praying or listening to our intuition.
Getting ready in the meantime
Sometimes fear is worth listening to; it’s a survival skill, after all. That said, our writing-related fears aren’t as straightforward as our fear of skydiving or swimming with sharks. Often, our writing-related fears, valid as they are, are better off conquered—eventually. Until we’re at the point of feeling ready to try, there are plenty of preparations to make. We can take steps to build our skills, make more connections, keep learning.
Below are just a few examples of what I mean. Please let me know if you’ve tried any of these, or chime in2 with your fears and strategies you’ve used to mitigate them; let’s all learn from one another.
Before you show someone your writing—maybe for the first time ever, maybe a piece you’re especially protective of, maybe to someone whose opinion you care about A Lot—you could make a plan.
Is there anything you want to tell them before they read it? You could share how you’re feeling about doing this. You could explain why you’re showing them. You could request a specific type of feedback or response. Basically, what do you need to say to feel (note: not be) a little more in control of this situation?
Figure out the least anxiety-producing scenario to show them your writing. Would you prefer to do this in person? Via text or email? With or without time constraints? Think about the logistics that feel best to you, and see if those work for your reader, too.
When you’re thinking about submitting to journals, etc for the first time, ask for help.
Before I began submitting (10+ years ago!), I asked my friend Charlie, who’d already been published in several journals, for guidance. He shared a template for a cover letter, and a great resource for searching for journals and tracking your submissions (Duotrope.com—I’m not an ambassador, but by now, I swear I should be). This process is both scary and exciting, and it’s perfectly okay not to know what to do. If you don’t have a friend like Charlie, feel free to ask me!
You can also ask Google, of course. One of my favorite online resources is Purdue’s Online Writing Lab; I recommend checking out their advice about how to submit to journals.
If literary readings give you stage fright, rehearse and “research” beforehand.
Practice, practice, practice—though not to the point where it becomes counterproductive. When I practice, I a) record myself to hear if anything I say is hard to hear and/or b) time myself to ensure the piece(s) I’ve selected don’t go over my allotted time limit. I also practice what (if anything) I will say before and after reading.
Go to other literary readings, especially any organized by the same hosts. Knowing what to expect of the event’s mood and structure always helps calm my nerves.
These suggestions might seem like I’m trying to force you into conquering your fear before you’re ready. I promise you I’m not. I want you to feel empowered and prepared when these opportunities present themselves to you, or, as is often the case, you seek them out. You deserve to take a chance on your writing; having an idea of what’s ahead makes it more likely you’ll be willing to eventually take that chance.
Listening to which other emotions are there
Fear may be the loudest emotion you hear, but is it the only one? Usually, when I take a moment to examine how I’m feeling, I discover that (many) other emotions are at play.
Insecurity. Anxiety. Overwhelm. Dread. Shame.
Even if they’re related to fear, each emotion is its own state of being, and probably warrants unique ways of being “treated.” I hope you give yourself a chance to listen to and learn from these feelings as well as your fear. Some questions I like to ask myself include:
Where is this emotion coming from?
What evidence do I have to support this emotion’s validity?
What does this emotion want me to consider, learn, or do in response?
I digest my answers all sorts of ways: I journal, talk to my therapist, talk to friends (both writer and non-writer), go on walks. Some of the answers are obvious, but I almost always need to take time to really think through them. It’s a worthwhile investment; what I figure out is informative not only for this particular situation, but others like it.
You and your writing are worth that investment, too.
Remember, the goal isn’t to barrel your way through to conquering your fear. It certainly isn’t to strive for fearlessness. The goal is to give yourself a chance to figure things out. To take some deep breaths. To get a little more comfortable and focused—and excited!—as you encounter new experiences as a writer.
I’m willing to bet that the more you do this, the more fearless you’ll seem—when really, you’re being brave on, and with, purpose.
You’re resourceful and determined and capable. Thank you for being a writer, and thank you for being a reader of Writer Dear.
~Kerry
P.S. Happy first day of spring!
That said, we can have one! Let me know if you’d like that.
If you keep scrolling to the very bottom of this post, you’ll see a “comment” button in between “like” and “restack.” Just click that!
I hadn't thought about it this way before, but it makes a lot of sense. Both the not-conquering-fear-before-you-are-ready and the parsing out the different emotions behind the resistance. Thank you!