I regret how hard I've been on myself.
Next month, we'll see how well I've learned my lesson.
Happy October, writers! This issue is brought to you by paid subscriber Wendell. Thank you so much for supporting Real Quick, Wendell; I wish you miles and miles of hikes that inspire your imagination, and a lifetime supply of fancy pens for capturing it.
I have a long history of setting—and sometimes exceeding—lofty goals. In college, I earned top grades not only in one major, but two. I’ve earned two graduate degrees. Lived in two other countries. When the first half-marathon I was training for sold out before I had a chance to register, I just ran the full instead.
It turns out that it wasn’t ambition as much as low self-worth that drove me to achieve, or arguably, overachieve for so long. Thanks to therapy, I’ve learned to be more discerning in my goal-setting; now, I’m much better at committing to pursuits that I actually want to attain, not those I feel like I “should.”
So the fact that, for several years, I couldn’t win NaNoWriMo (writing 50,000 words of a rough draft in the month of November), was maddening. Never have I ever wanted something more than to write a book. This is about more than hitting a target; being an author is a decades-old dream, the first thing I ever knew I wanted to do with my life. What did it say about me that, year after year, I couldn’t buckle down enough for a measly 30 days to write the shitty first draft of what would one day become my first published book?
Apparently (and maybe you saw this coming), it actually doesn’t say anything about me. Or my dream. Or my commitment, talent, future as it pertains to writing. There are as many ways to write a published book as there are people truly committed to writing one. NaNoWriMo, as effective as it can be in speeding through a first draft, is not the only way to reach that particular promised land. I know that now.
Quite belatedly, I’m realizing that NaNoWriMo is meant to be fun–not another excuse to be hard on myself.
While I wish I’d known this in 2016, when I first began attempting NaNoWriMo, I’m grateful to have finally figured it out. Of course, it helps that last year, I won NaNoWriMo at last. Did this feel incredible? Yes! I cried. Did it result in a published book? Nope—at least, not yet. Rather than revising it, I’ve spent the last several months on other writing projects instead.
So this November, I’m giving myself the gift of trying again. For NaNoWriMo 2023, I’m writing a second, hopefully-less-shitty draft of what will one day become my first published book. I’m going to do my best. I’m going to show myself grace if I don’t write all 50K words. And I’m going to let myself enjoy the experience, rather than seeing it as just another lofty goal.
(Are you also participating? My username is mskerrygraham; find and friend me!)
I’m writing
an essay arguing that book lovers make the world a better place. I’m biased, but I swear I’m also right! While I won’t finish in time for folks to read it during Banned Book Week, I’m hoping it’ll be out in the world sometime during October, National Book Month.
I’m reading
Wahala by Nikki May. The story of the friendships between Anglo-Nigerian women makes me especially homesick for my two international homes away from home: England and Nigeria.
I’m recommending
#mini1000, an abbreviated version of #1000wordsofsummer, which I recommended in the first issue of Real Quick. This round runs from October 7th through 12th, and is a great warm-up for the marathon that will be NaNoWriMo. Let me know if you participate, too; we can cheer each other on!
This Writer’s Digest article about how to prepare for NaNoWriMo. I especially appreciate suggestion #6.
This episode of the #amwriting podcast; one of the hosts mistakenly says the goal of NaNoWriMo is to hit 55K words, but it’s “only” 50K. I remember listening to this just before NaNoWriMo last year and feeling capable. I hope the same is true for you.
Getting yourself some NaNoWriMo merch. My parents gave me the mug pictured above as a birthday present last year, and I used it frequently (daily?) throughout November—a little way to celebrate myself as I picked up my pen yet again.
I’m reminding you
how much you deserve to enjoy the process of achieving your goal and/or dream—whatever it may be.
You’re reacting
How do you talk to yourself while you’re en route to achieving a goal? How does this compare to the encouragement you offer to others?
Write a press release announcing one of the goals you’re most proud to have met.
Write yourself a pep talk for the next goal you have your sights on. (And read it if/when you feel discouraged!)
If you’re participating in NaNoWriMo as well, what does your prep checklist look like?
Be honest with yourself: why are you working so hard to achieve _____?
